


I’ll Be Your Strength

by ryouku



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Confessions, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Time Skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:01:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26150797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryouku/pseuds/ryouku
Summary: She isn’t sure if she can on with this war anymore - wondering if it’ll ever end. And when she needs to be alone, the person she does expect to find her crying in a moment like this ironically does show.TWs for: depression, PTSD, and minor brief mention of suicidal ideation.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Dorothea Arnault
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	I’ll Be Your Strength

**Author's Note:**

> I do want to add some trigger warnings before anyone reads. There’s slight mentions of suicidal ideation and is kinda heavy on depression and a touch on PTSD. If this is too much - please do not scroll down and read, I rather you be safe and take care of yourself.

Setting up camp had never been one of her favorite things to do - it reminded her too much of being out on the streets again. Rough grounds, cold air, anxiety because the next day held so many unknowns.. Would she be able to eat? Would she get anything to drink? Would she get spit on and kicked by passerbys? Would she even wake up? 

And war caused crippling fear. Some new fears and some old. Would she face a former classmate? Would her teammates survive? Would _she_ survive? 

Her chest felt tight, finding it difficult to breathe. Her stomach churned at the thought of killing yet another human on the battlefield that she had thrown up her dinner shortly after. And _of course_ Ferdinand had been the one to find her puking behind some trees. He just _had_ to be on his walk then. She felt shame. Claimed it was perhaps her menstrual cramps making her fall ill. 

She hated war. Sometimes her life.

Tonight it was impossible for her to sleep. She still felt nauseous, chest tight, and she had found numerous spiders in her tent that crawled up her leg, nearly causing her to cry right there and then. She wasn’t _okay._ And at some point she had given up, going for a small walk before taking a seat on the cliffside. Thoughts ran through her head - wondering if she just ran away now, never looked back, would she make it? Or would it be counted as treason? Could she run away and start a new life? Or would she be caught? Would she die? 

And before she realized, she was crying. She was finally letting the tears fall silently down her face, the tears burning her eyes. Perhaps death wouldn’t be so bad.. Take her away from the consistent pain and guilt she couldn’t ever get rid of. Her team could go on without her, couldn’t they? Or would Edelgard feel betrayal? Unless it was on the battlefield… 

Except, her life was always defined by _survival_ so why was it now of all times she thought about death? Not when she had fallen ill when she was eight years old and she got shoved away when she was vomiting into a ditch? Dehydrated and passed out on the street because it had been days she had a sip of water in days in the scorching heat? How come not when she had a knife held to her neck the time she denied a nobleman sex in her dressing room? How come not at the academy when there were so many rumors about her that she didn’t even know who she was anymore? If anyone even viewed her as a person rather than an object they can touch? 

“Dorothea?” 

She jumped, quickly taken out of her thoughts and wiped her eyes, furiously making an attempt to hide the fact she was just crying. 

“Why aren’t you sleeping, Ferdie?” At least her voice wasn’t shaky. Pro of acting for a few years. 

“I could ask you the very same. I saw you leave your tent and had been gone awhile. I grew worried. And it is cold, so I brought you a blanket.” When she turned around, she had seen the neatly folded blanket in Ferdinand’s arms, sighing out. Of course it had to be him. “May I join you?” 

Dorothea gave a small nod, her hands still rubbing her arms for warmth. She hadn’t realized how cold she was until Ferdinand was gently wrapping the blanket around her shoulders before sitting beside her. “How noble of you.” She muttered. “Thank you..” 

Ferdinand watched her for a moment, trying to read her, trying to figure out the right words to say to her. He was never good with words, especially to Dorothea most of the time. He didn’t want to hurt her further - say the wrong thing and push her away, perhaps worsen her mood. But if there was anything he could tell, it was that she was struggling. He could see that, no matter how much she would deny it and play it off. She was sad. So very sad. Her eyes didn’t light up like they used to before, she no longer sang in her free time when they traveled, she didn’t bother to tend to her own wounds and rather heal everyone else. She wasn’t taking care of herself. She was sick almost every night and he wouldn’t dare tell her that he knew that. Hell, she fainted during their last battle and she went back to fighting as soon as she was up again, very much against Linhardt and Edelgard’s advice. 

“You don’t need to look at me like that, Ferdie. I’m not some damsel in distress. I’m merely someone just trying to survive this war and wondering if I’ll even make it. If any of us will make it.” Her voice was trembling then, not realizing how affected she had really been. How long she had been keeping these thoughts to herself. And Ferdinand was the last person she ever thought she’d spill these thoughts of hers to. She didn’t care if she seemed weak or pathetic. She was never meant for war. And everyone knew that. Especially Ferdinand. 

“Dorothea, if I may speak..” He started out slow, wanting to make sure it was okay he spoke. If she wanted the comfort of his words. Or if she would grow more agitated by them. 

“Let me finish, Ferdie. _Please.”_ She practically begged, voice quivering. Because she knew she would close up again, put the walls back up. She wanted to get her words out when she felt like she could, otherwise she’d keep them to herself once again. “I’m scared, okay? I don’t know how you or Hubie or Caspar, anyone could fight every damn day and be able to sleep at night. This isn’t normal. Their screams _haunt_ me. All I smell is blood and burning flesh and every time I think about taking another life just so I can survive and move on? Potentially to kill more people? How fucked up is that? How many lives have we— how many have _I_ taken? How are we so sure this war will work out in our favor? I can’t.. I can’t stand the thought of losing Edie, Hubie, Lin… I can’t stand the thought of losing _you.”_ She was crying again, her words flowing and she was unable to stop at this point. She had been holding back for too long. “Maybe this isn’t how you feel, but war fucking sucks and I much rather die before having to lose any of you.” 

Seeing her this way had left Ferdinand stunned, speechless, heart aching for her. What could he even say in response to that? Surely he didn’t enjoy this war and he would much rather it be over sooner than later. But he could never relate completely. He’d be a fool to even try. Though he noticed her wrap the blanket around herself tighter and he glanced toward her hand. 

“May I hold your hand, Dorothea?” He asked quietly, feeling a small sense of hope when she nodded. He took a gentle hold, intertwining their fingers as he figured out what to say. 

“I could see you hurting. And it made me worry for you. I care for you, from the bottom of my heart. But please, _please_ Dorothea, do not go making sacrifices and put your life on the line for us. For me. You are not just some vital asset to our team. You are Dorothea. The sunshine of our team, always knowing how to make others smile despite the pain you feel for yourself. You are a beautiful soul, a radiant rose in our garden, the woman who keeps all of us going. And you.. you are the woman I’m realizing I’m falling in love with during possibly the worst time ever. But I care for you. And please, if you are struggling to want to continue on to see tomorrow, please know I am here by your side. I am your shoulder to cry on. Despite our rough start, I care for you. And love you. And when this war is over, I want to spend my days with you. I promise you, you do not need to suffer through this alone.”

His confession only made her cry harder and he reached out to gently wipe her tears. He hadn’t meant to confess those feelings, but he had been attracted to her since their academy days, the feelings becoming deeper over the years as their friendship blossomed. He never confessed any sort of feelings until now, worried she would distance herself from him again - go back to day one. Except, it had all felt natural to say. 

He was struggling with the war too, but this wasn’t about him right now. Dorothea needed comfort and comfort he was here to provide. Another time he can speak about his struggles with this war and the struggles within himself. He didn’t want to undermine her feelings, her emotions, her conflicts. “I am so sorry you feel this amount of pain. I wish I could take it all away from you.” He whispered gently, choosing his words carefully. 

“Why do you love someone like me? I’m just.. I’m just a dirty commoner who only got by because of my beauty and singing. Otherwise, right now I’d be dead, Ferdie. I am useless. There is no doubt about that.” It was truly how she saw herself, wondering what god or goddess or somehow just by sheer luck she was even allowed to be kept alive this long. 

“Let me show you why I love you. If you allow me to, of course. You are here for a reason. And I believe you deserve all the very best in the world. You don’t deserve any unhappiness and..” He had been interrupted by her. 

“I can’t believe I have feelings for you too. In some twisted way, you have them for me too. I never thought you would feel the same. I treated you so poorly in the beginning and yet, after some time I began to feel this way and.. Life is just one big joke. But I guess this is something that can work out. Perhaps. We managed to work out our friendship because.. I directed all my anger at you. And I hid my feelings because.. Ferdie, I felt shame when I realized I liked you. I felt shame because someone like you doesn’t deserve me but again, you prove me wrong over and over again and.. I didn’t know when to tell you. Until now, that is.”

“Then will you allow me to kiss you, Dorothea?” He cupped her face gently, thumb caressing her cheek when she gave a nod and a quiet “Yes, of course.” 

The kiss was gentle, soft, and slow. He was hesitant - she could sense it. They both closed their eyes and let themselves feel the moment. The kiss gave her hope, the kiss made them both feel warm. And when they parted, Dorothea was crying silently again, bringing Ferdinand into a hug and speaking quietly under her shaky breath. 

“Thank you for believing in me. And loving me. I promise I’m going to do my best to survive. For you. For us. I love you.” 

It was all he needed to hear, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close, letting her spill those last tears. Their future with the war was uncertain, but he’d keep watch over her, support her, protect her, love her. 

“I’ll always protect you, Dorothea. I give you my word.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of my first time writing this sort of stuff in quite a long time and spent weeks consistently deleting and adding stuff so kudos/comments would be very appreciated. 
> 
> Also Ferdie would blurt out confessions in the most awkward or tense moments in my honest opinion lol thank you for reading! <3


End file.
